Nicholas

Last time… i keep asking and wondering why people write blog? I find it weird and no point writing one… but now… i have a different view..as i start to write one le.. this time.. i feel like i am writing a diary but a diary that i share wif everyone….

I had a headache…as i am trap between a problem…A problems that i start  it and i am trying my best to put an end to it….

Since my last bad relationship…. I realise my short-coming… i am a type of guy who can totally devoted to my love one and becoz of that i have forgoes alot of my precious friends…I felt regretful and painful for that…. this time… i tell myself i will change…..

As now in army…due to the tied shedule..of working in a 5 1/2 day week, i do not have much time to open up my circle of friends and becoz of that my friends are little…but this lil grp of friends are not my friends…they are my buddies… felt so lucky to have them… Thanks God! haha

Now, as i have a chance to took a one month breaks….this is also my only time where i am so free that i can do watever stuff i like.I also felt that at this moment…. i just need accompany.. just any people…who can accompany me and i am glad if anyone appears….especially when my buddies Tung,Jane and zhimin are not ard….. and this person accompany me…

So at this particular moment…. A special lady had walked into my life… really step in at the rite moment and at the rite timing…. She lend me her ears and kept me entertained…I think my life start to have more meaning and life in it…. I just let my feeling or emotion lead my way and till one day… christmas nite… where zhimin trigger off my thoughts… he let me realise alot of things….He didn`t say much …is just i think too deep and too much and i spent the whole nite thinking abt that lady and me…..What i looking for and what i wan….wat is struggling inside me….

Loneliness may be a key.. .and at first… i wanna be a bastards and try to win that lady hearts and let her accompanied me till i ord or enter university….and where i will be Free… and have her….to acc me tru my army life….and i can let is be a test on  the relationship. As i feel that been to serious in any relationship may not end up to have a good ending…so why dun take it lightly and do watever stuff we like..as long as we are happy and be good.. so just do it....sound alright at first…but i still can`t win myself over it… therefore…. i am resisted about it and i decided to slap myself and fuck that evil thoughts….I can`t do it as this lady is a very good girl… too good that i wan to keep and add on to my list of buddies…. I rather add her to my long term list then taking a risk…..

As in my heart… i know wat type of girl i wan and i`m looking for… and i will not rest till i find that perfect ideal lady who can really melt my heart totally…i know that she may not exist…maybe not now or even future…but i just cannot force myself to get involved in a relationship where i know that i will not put in 100% to her at the start… that is unfair to her and i feel that she deserve more…So i know that i really cannot be that bastard who ruin one nice gal… NONO Never…I rather withdraws and let this  crush be faded and be gone….

Really hope that this lady will not hate me for fooling her as maybe i gave lots of wrong hint to her from time to time….I actually waken up till that very christmas…

Quite lost now….i had lost the ability to analyse others where i always do..

Feel so bad abt myself… haha a little disgraced abt it to share wif other… but i really hope that this action of withdrawal now will save me from hurting that lady even more in future….

Please forgive me…….

Hope that i did the right thing!

Wish her all the best in everything and not to meet another wenhao!!

I am bored… ha today i been staying at home for the whole day… christmas eve should be an exciting day… but it turn out to be different this year…ha most of my friends are busy and even some of my army friends ask me out… for count down….i rejected them… Quite weird rite…Dun really feel the holiday mood… maybe is that i do not wan to squeeze wif ppl in the town… haha i think i behave more and more no life and more uncle le…find that this type of celebrating is a lil meaningless…. but if u ask me what is the most ideal christmas? I think i am clueless too….

Ok talk abt yesterday man… haha

Yesterday morning, zhimin accompany me to the swimming pool and we went for a swim… ha we swim and i decided to swim till my max…..I manage to break my personal record of 30 laps… haha very happy…even though it is a lil slow…but at least i complete it… erm…so happy… maybe i can go for more in future… haha

In the afternoon, we went to party world and sing… ha a lil weird as 2 guy went to sing ktv and we sing for 3 hrs… we are not good singer..but the feeling is shiok as we can really relax and shout watever we like and listen to watever song we like…. ha we sound like gals rite… haha but it`s really quite fun… haha

then in the evening… i went dinner which shiyuan… haha she is quite small in  size and i feel like i am  double of her size… haha no wonder ppl may thought that i have eaten up all her food and i cause her 1… ha but the feeling is not bad… haha then we ask zhimin out for a chat under their void deck… wow liew… this two fellow are really 2 big "AIR CON"… lame jokes all over… haha i am freezing when i listening to their talk… haha zhimin have a new challenger then…Too bad jane is not ard… if not she can be another challenger… see who is more lame then…..

ha again this blog is another rainbow blog… act cute rite…. but WHO CARES!!

After a long time… i guess i will start to blog again…. so where should i start…

ok..i start from the 6 of dec 2005. On that day is the day when my men get to graduate and become a trained soldier… this is my 4th batch of soldiers… watching them leaving is a joy.. happy for them upon completion of the course and their achievment.. but at the same time..miss them too.. haha they are like my brothers and my hardwork… haha sound like old man der… …. but when they start to leave… it is also means that my long breaks has arrived too…. one month lull and a long break till jan 3rd… where my next batch of men came in….finally got to rest

After many days of rest.. today is the 12 days of my resting period… and during these days… i did alot of things… like :

1) During one one of the monday,I went sentosa with my Army buddies and it was fun… but i think short of something…maybe it is gals… there are no girls.. so it seem a lil dull…but overall it is fun and relaxing… play volleyball,soccer and frisbe.. haha enjoy the days man

2)I remember ,during one of the days, i went to city hall to  look for jane after her school… then we went singing… wow… we sang from 2pm till 7pm… that was long lo… super long and i almost condemned singing since that day… and  to add on to that is that during the subsequent sunday… zhimin wan us to go singing too… haha that was a singing week man,,,, i admit my singing sucks… but it is still an enjoying moment and it really can relax one from all his worries and trouble lo… haha

3)On the friday… i can`t remember the dates… I met up wif a few army buddies and we were going to one of our recruits house for BBQ…We are suppose to meet at Yio Chu Kang MRT and while i am waiting… i saw a gal.. she look familiar and i take a closer look and she was shiyuan… my sec sch mate… wow.. her appearance change .. haha quite pretty and we chat for a while… the  feeling is great… haha and my buddy imran complaint that i ditch him at a side once i seee gals.. haha but i know i didn`t….okok that is not the point… the key stuff is the bbq at the rec hse… Wow… his hose is huge lo… 4 storey high… and he even have a elevator in his hse… the whole hse is air-conditioned… 2 maid.. every thing is so great… got a small bar table… projector for movies… wow.. how i wish i am like him..that rich… i say till my saliva start to drip le… so envy… haha ok la … i think i have to be more somber now…

4) On the sunday… jane and zhimin plus me go to cwp for a game of pool…. wow.. that day is my lucky day lo… so lucky and all the shot i made make it count and i almost are the ultimate winner… so happy… finally can forcus so well.. haha… that was fun … and i misses that pool matches.. haha

After 12 days of rest… i feel a lil weird.. as i am used to the busy life style… and now i was given a long rest or break… i feel that i am wasting my life away… so weird.. hopw to do something meaningful…. as now i keep on lookiing for accompany to acc me for this break… as the boredom is killing me… haha hope that the rest of the days can be more fun….